Small story 6

She was sitting to his right, across the table. He thought she was telling a story, but wasn't quite sure – he wasn't really paying attention. He was watching her. She was smiling, laughing, as she told her story. It was a beautiful smile really, but he hated it all the same. The others were also laughing. Apparently it was a funny story she was telling. Had she looked at him, she might have noticed that he wasn't laughing. But she didn't look at him. Not a glance. Obviously she wasn't talking to him.

In a feeble attempt to divert his thoughts elsewhere, his subconscious made it clear to him that he liked the table they were sitting at. A dark, thick, lacquered wooden plate, that looked like it had been there for ages. For a moment he thought about how old it was, and how many people had sat around it. He imagined men with top hats and walking sticks and women in corsets and large dresses coming here, a long time ago. He wondered how many glasses of beer had been served on this table. It was a welcome distraction, but alas, not one that would last very long. His mood was too dark now.

Maybe she had finished her story now, he didn't know. No one was talking at the moment, just laughing or smiling or taking a sip of their beer. The guy opposite him said his name as he put down the glass. This guy, a friend, wanted to hear another funny story, and wanted him to tell it. He put on a bit of a smile (if you could even call it that. It was a pitiful attempt) and shook his head, looking down. The friend persisted, but he shook his head again and said no, and the friend had to tell the story instead.

He looked away. He was sitting at the end of the table, at the corner. He could see the exit from his seat. It was dead ahead, nothing in his way or anything. “Clean exit,” he thought.

The story was about him. It was something he had done, something funny. She was looking at the storyteller, he noticed. Then they all laughed, when the story was finished. He looked at their smiling faces with disgust. They were telling him how funny he had been. Another friend, sitting to his right, patted him on the back and told him he was awesome. That was it. He had had enough. He didn't want their adoration, he didn't need their funny anecdotes.

“I'm not awesome,” he began, “I'm completely fucking normal, just like everyone else.” He paused for only a moment, and continued before anyone could respond, at the moment when their smiles had already started to fade, but before they would break out into laughter again. “And its all shit. You do the best you can, and sometimes that's just enough to keep it together, but most of the time it's just shit.”

They didn't burst into laughter now. That had been averted. Maybe a chuckle or two of shock.

“Dude, are you alright?” one of them said, and then lowered his voice, “We're only on the first beer...”

He had begun it now, and there was no going back. He couldn't have stopped it, even if he had wanted to.

“I'm so sick of this... fucking social interaction!” He was going fast. He had to. But it was making it hard to find the right words in time, and he struggled with the sentences. Maybe his meaning would be twisted, but at the moment he just didn't care. “So sick of these rules, this expected way of behaving, it's so rigid, and square, and just... so fucking predictable! Let's all be nice little boys and girls and act the way we're supposed to, and no one gets hurt. Fuck this, and fuck you guys – I'm going home.”

He got up and put his jacket on. She looked at him, a mixed look of disbelief and worry on her face. Just like all of them. Just like he knew it would be.

“You haven't even finished the beer I bought you,” she tried. The glass of beer was half full.

“Yeah, sorry ‘bout that.” He opened his wallet, got out a bill and sort of flicked it towards her. It was more than enough to pay for a new beer.

Her expression changed. It was more angry now, or hurt. No matter.

“That's not what I meant – I don't want your fucking money.” She pushed the money back towards him. He was not impressed.

“Yeah you do.” He slid the money back towards her, and it caught in the puddle of water around her glass. He cast a quick glance around the table, at the people sitting there. They were probably protesting, he wasn't paying attention anymore.

As he started to walk towards the door, he noticed the friend he'd been sitting opposite of start to get up. He turned to face him and held up his hands in a demonstrative manner.

“Don't... come after me. You guys just sit here, enjoy yourselves, get on with your lives, and do not follow me. Really.”

As he disappeared from view, she didn't know what to think. She wasn't sure she'd remember after tonight, but she still made a mental note of talking to him about it the following day.